Through your parent teenager relationship it is normal to want to communicate your support of your teenager. One of the phrases that you may naturally convey to your teenager is one that tells them how proud you feel of their accomplishments. Whilst the intention is only good, inadvertently, it becomes a self affirming action. By doing so, your teen does not get the full credit that is due to him.
Let me briefly explain why.
Let’s say that you had been working your butt off for several years aiming to land a promotion in your company. Despite the fact that there are almost five hundred applicants for the one position, you are successful. You are ecstatic. The next day the CEO of the company tells you that your credentials were far superior to all the other applicants. Naturally your elation transforms into feelings of great pride and accomplishment.
Now supposing you contacted a friend to tell her the good news. She responds by saying:”I am really proud of you”. How would that go down with you? I suggest that your friend’s response, whilst well meaning, would cause you to feel that the emphasis has shifted from your great accomplishment to her feelings of pride.
What a world of difference it would have made if she said something like: “wow, what an incredible achievement, you must be feeling really proud of yourself?”.
Your friend’s comment comes across almost like her saying that somehow she had a part to play in your success and she was bathing in your limelight.
So what’s a fundamental lesson here that we can apply to your parent teenager relationship?
In your parent teenager relationship, you as the parent are in the position to serve. Therefore your focus ought to be on the growth, development and well being of your child. Naturally you will feel a sense of pride as you witness your child’s achievements. However that should not detract from affirming the accomplishments of your teenager.
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