It’s been said that “if you keep doing what you have always done you will keep on getting what you have always got”. This is certainly true in your parent teenager relationship. If in your parent teenager relationship you are getting the results that you want, then obviously keep doing whatever you are doing. However if you are not getting the results you want, it does not take an Einstein to figure out that you have to change what you are doing to get different results.
Because humans are creatures of habit, limited by our knowledge base and resources, changing the way we parent is no small feat. However if we really care about our children and their destiny, then by all means we need to prepare ourselves to do what it takes to become a more effective parent.
There are six stages of change, according to coaching and parenting expert, Barbara McRae. Each stage speaks of the challenge that confronts those who go the journey. The beginning point of authentic change lies in acknowledging each stage. In other words, to change the nature of your parent teenager relationship you first must become aware of what needs to change.
McRae describes the six stages of change as follows.
1. Loss Of Focus. This stage corresponds to the initial realization that change may be necessary or beneficial. This may cause you to feel overwhelmed and unable to think clearly.
2. Denial And Delay. At this stage, the mind works to defend the status quo. The mind tells you that no change is needed.
3. Creative Tension. At this point you have committed to change and you are now in transition. There is a gap between the old (past, ingrained behavior patterns) and the new (preferred behaviors). It feels chaotic and unsettling. Uncertainty may settle in because the desired results are nowhere in sight yet. Be encouraged to stick to the new vision.
4. New Territory. At this point in time it is obviously clear that you have moved into unfamiliar territory and you feel unsettled to say the least. It can be a time that is intensely exciting or frightening. It is vital to stay motivated by visioning where you are going ie to a place of resourcefulness.
5. Personal Power. At this stage, you acknowledge that you are the source of your personal power. You realise that your choices will determine the outcomes.
6. Breakthrough Realized. You feel a sense of elation and accomplishment. The blocks that were holding you back have been obliterated. Compare the old you to the new you and celebrate.
Personally, having traversed all the six stages of change outlined above in my parent teenager relationships, I can highly recommend that you too make the plunge and get the results in your parent teenager relationship that you deserve. If not for you, do it for your kid.
Are you currently bogged down in a state of struggle with your teen? Do you feel like you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t? If so, before you do anything else, check out parenting expert, Paul Saver’s 7 free parenting videos. Each video offers you specific tips that can get your parent teen relationship back on track so that when you speak your teen wants to listen.
