It is clear that a primary human condition for overall good health and well being is to live in a state of hopefulness. Conversely, when hope is missing, the world appears to to take on a darker complexion. What then, does living with hope got to do with your parent teenager relationship?
Much of the pleasure and stimulation of life lies in the act of dreaming, fantasizing, anticipating, planning and asking the question: “what if?” However by choice or inadvertently, a parent can divert a teenager away from hope and accept the inevitability of disappointment. How does that happen? It happens in two ways.
Firstly. In your parent teenager relationship you set up your teenager for disappointment should you model hopelessness and despair in the way you choose to live your life.
Secondly. In your parent teenager relationship, you invite your teenager to living a life of disappointment and mediocrity if you don’t encourage them to pursue hopes and dreams whatever they may be. For instance, let’s say your teenager comes to you one day and says that they want you to buy them a boat so that they can sail around the world. You may be inclined to brush such fanciful notions aside and feel justified in doing so.
The reality for many a kid is to go through their entire childhood up until adulthood and always hear their parent saying “no” to practically everything they say that is not confined to the mundane. Teenagers probably hear the word “no”from their parent much more than the word “yes”. Think for a moment what it would do for a teenager if they had a parent who encouraged their child to dream dreams and supported them to materialise it? Wouldn’t such a kid be well positioned to make a meaningful contribution to humankind compared to the kid whose nickname is “no”?
In fact when it comes to dreaming, the parent teenager relationship period of a child’s life presents the best opportunity. Why? Because it is during late adolesence that a human being develops an emotional need to know who they are and what their life is for.
Still, the question remains: “how can you as the parent get emotionally involved in assisting your teenager to pursue their dreams without just giving them everything they simply ask for? Let me tell you how.
Using the above example where the teenager comes to their parent and asks for a boat so that they can eventually sail around the world. Instead of talking about the money it would cost, the difficulty of getting trained, the risks involved and so on, the parent could say: “So you want to get a boat and sail around the world? Tell me more about it”.
By listening carefully and being a sounding board for your teenager he may provide you with a detailed account of what kind of boat is needed, what equipment and what route to travel. Such a conversation may then lead to borrowing books from the library, getting information off the Internet and even joining a local sailing club. Whether or not the dream comes to fruition is not the point. Rather it is the encouragement to be allowed to dream dreams and ask “what if?”
So what does all this mean for your parent teenager relationship? It means that you as the parent have the key to allow and encourage your child to dream and live with hope.
Are you struggling in your relationship with your teen? Are you sick of their constant whining and attitude? Are you looking for a way forward? If so, check out parenting expert, Paul Saver’s, seven FREE video tips. Each video is power packed with cutting edge materialdesigned to transform your parent teen relationship. Just click on the link.
